Crushin on

A message to 16 year old me?

I was reflecting the other day how much I have changed in such a little amount of time. When I was 16 I never once thought I would ever get out of the mindset of hating who I was so badly, I never thought I would be one of those girls with a boyfriend and I never thought I would pass any of my exams, simply because I wasn't clever, not the fact I didn't revise.



So this is me at 16 and at 19. At 16 I had completely ruined myself, destroyed my eyebrows, very skinny, extremely pale and hid behind loads of eyeliner. On the right hand side is me today, A LOT happier with life and managed to sort my face out sort of.

When I was 16 I focused too much on what people thought of me. I wanted to know why they didn't like me, why they spoke behind my back, I never understood why girls were just so cruel to me. I simply put it down to me being me and the way I looked.

When I was 16 I desperately tried to change myself. Wear more makeup, style my hair differently. After all the tears about having no eyebrows and not being able to do eyeliner properly, I now think, was it really worth it? Spending all those nights glaring at my reflection, sobbing to change. 

When I was 16, I let my confidence get the best me. I let people walk over me, say whatever they wanted. I wasn't the popular girl and I didn't have a huge group of friends. I was constantly labelled as shy, a word to this day still chills my spine.

When I was 16, I didn't understand why people thought I didn't like them. It was because I was so unhappy with myself I portrayed to others as being moody and reserved.

When I was 16, I never imagined anyone ever finding me attractive or someone wanting to date me.

When I was 16, I pushed away many opportunities that would have boosted my confidence because I just hated being me.

When I was 16, I didn't think I would ever be me and people to see me as me. I felt trapped, people had no idea I was actually confident and happy, I just let my appearance belittle me the entire time.

When I was 16, I wish I didn't waste so many tears on irrelevant people and teachers and I wish I could have told myself YOU WILL BE FINE, you will achieve your dreams.

                                             When I was 16