Crushin on

Body Dysmorphia, My story, My tips

One of my favourite youtubers posted a very important video about Body Dysmorphia, something you may or not be aware of, or something like me you may struggle with yourself. I would highly recommend going to check out this lovely lovely lady who's channel I aspire to be like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rU7eP4RarRI. The aim of this post is to hopefully make some of you realise that your not alone in feeling the way you do and some tips that may or may not help you.



For me I never realised I had body dysmorphia until probably around the age of 16. Since the age of 12 I have despised the way I look, it wasn't a phase I went through as I still very much struggle with it today, but have ways of dealing with it. 

The thing is with body dysmprohia is you see yourself in a way no one else see's you, you feel like the ugliest person in the world and if you were to step into a crowd everyone would stare at you. That's the way I would describe it from how I have dealt with it.

I have hated on every single part of my body, obsessed for hours crying in front of the mirror begging for a new face, plastic surgery on my nose and anything to not wake up looking the way I did. Now it may seem very extreme to people who have never suffered with it, but it can take over your life and gain control of your happiness, it becomes an obsession and fixation and a very very scary mindset.

I had days where I couldn't leave the house because I felt so disgusting, this could be over one small spot. When I look back now I don't see anything wrong with my physical appearance, but I hated myself, I would do anything to look a different way. Its sad really but you honestly can't help it and you end up frustrating people because you need constant reassurance that you look physically acceptable. It drained the life out of me. I have never been confident in the way I look regardless due to bullying at school, but I also suffer with a skin condition called Psoriasis, if you would like me to do a post on that I will happily. I know these two factors had a massive impact in the way I saw myself, but I couldn't switch it off, I would go to do something with friends and cancel because I felt so vile.

Today I'm a lot better due to being confident in myself. One thing I never had was confidence and since I've gained that I've began to view myself in a different light. I had to teach myself to stop  obsessing over the tiniest things, this could be my eyebrows, the size of my nose or the size of my thighs, down to the tiny gap between my teeth. I would constantly be checking myself in the mirror, not because I was vain, I needed that constant reassurance that I looked OK. You have to break out of these habits in order to move forward, and yes it can be very very hard but you can do it I promise.

I don't focus or fixate on certain features anymore, but if someone says something to me I start wanting to change myself and it all comes back to haunt me. A week ago my nan made a comment about my hair, another thing I have fixated on for years and I bursted into tears. I have no idea why, but I've always felt not pretty enough as people constantly have commented on the way I look. So when someone makes a comment I will think about it for days and I have to stop myself from going home and cutting my hair like I used to. I hate having dead ends or horrible split hair which I do, I've ruined my hair so many times because someone will make a comment. It sounds stupid to people that don't understand, but I completely get you if you are going through this.

But today I've put my insecurities and worries over the way I look behind me, they still get me but I have to give myself prep talks and realise I look fine. I am now doing youtube something I wouldn't have dreamt of doing because of the way I look, but I've learnt to stop focusing and doing youtube is actually helping me overcome my fear of the way I look on camera. I may look the happiest person in the world to you, but it takes a lot of guts to post that video waiting for one person to tear me apart. 

My nan didn't say anything horrible but please be weary that people fixate over things and anything can trigger it off. 

My tips to anyone suffering with body dysmorphia are:
1) Stop fixating, you are perfect the way you are
2)Stop checking yourself in every single mirror, there is nothing wrong with you
3) When someone says you look fine believe them
4) Be confident in your skin and embrace what you have
5) Stop comparing yourself to other people, models are airbrushed, everyone has their imperfections
6) Exercise is good distraction, but don't become fixated with gaining that 'desired' body goal
7)Keep a diary, the best way to vent any negative thoughts is letting it out and if you can't do that to a person write it down, honestly this will help you so much.

I really hope these tips may help one of you. But the biggest I need anyone to understand is if you have a friend who constantly needs that reassurance that they are good enough, please give it them and please do not get irritated with someone with BDD, they don't see themselves the way you do. They could be the prettiest person ever but they can't see it at all. Its a really hard concept to understand unless you have suffered yourself.