Crushin on

Are you in a controlling relationship? Signs and help

Its actually scary that the person you fall in love with can be the most toxic person you'll ever meet, you never in a million years think it will happen to you, but sadly it does to some and I can talk from experience.

I think one of the hardest concepts of a controlling relationship is that you don't realise your being controlled, everyone around you can see, they can see your unhappiness and they don't understand why you put up with it. Well the answer is..because you love them. Let me set one thing straight, control is not love, controllers like to say I LOVE YOU to make you stay and to make you feel they haven't done anything wrong. They guilt trip you, manipulate you and pretty much take over your life, all your emotions and everything that used to be you. Pretty scary right? Its mad how a person can do it.

So here are signs of a controlling relationship:
1) Making you feel like your in the wrong ALL THE TIME
2) Controlling every aspect of your life
3) Stopping you from contacting certain people
4) Putting down your dreams
5) Making your future one with them in it and everything revolves around them
6) Telling you what to wear, who you can see and what to do
7) Going through your phone and reading your messages 
8) Feeling like you step on egg shells constantly because of their mood swings
9) Extreme paranoia, jealousy, trust issues
10) Belittling you
11) Making you feel unworthy and not attractive enough for anyone else to ever love you
12) Questioning you CONSTANTLY 

These are just a few but if you can go through that list and answer yes to most of them, consider the relationship you are in, are you genuinely happy? 

When people are controlled they go through a whirlwind of emotions, they stop being them and instead become a shell of who they used to be. Luckily, I didn't allow this to happen to me, I kept my friends close, despite the person who I was with telling me to cut contact, he tried to control every aspect of my life. It takes a very strong person to stand up to a controller, I was exhausted by him constantly putting me down, accusing me of doing things wrong, I somehow seemed to upset him on the daily. 

That's not a relationship. That's not happiness. Happiness is being with someone who trusts you, who idolises you, supports you,  who likes your friends and most importantly doesn't make you sad.

In a relationship you shouldn't feel sad every single day, like I did for months. In took me to realise how badly I was treated when I got into a new relationship. I barely fall out with my boyfriend, we are close, we laugh a lot, we don't control each other in anyway, we both live individual lives and I honestly can't remember the last proper fall out we had. I used to fall out with my ex boyfriend every single day, I could never make him happy but at the same time I couldn't leave because I was guilt tripped and scared he would harm himself. His whole life was me and that wasn't fair, I was only 17 and did not want to settle down at such a young age or talk about marriage and children. Controllers like to plan out your life, NO WAY was I staying with someone like that, that's everything I'm against. I have my own dreams and I will achieve them without a man very easily.

I think the one of the worst things when you date someone controlling is that you become so isolated that you don't even realise. You cut off good people because you listen to the controller, you stop doing what you love. Don't be that person. I'm glad to say however much that boy ruined aspects of my life now I was strong enough to say No and to leave. Please do not shove away your friends, they know whats good for you, they can see what that person is like, trust them, friends are always right. Don't get upset when they tell you how it is or that you shouldn't be treated like that because they are looking out for you and trust me I would do anything to help my friends out if they were in this situation.

If your in a controlling relationship there are so many people who can help including me. I didn't want to be too graphic or upsetting in this post with my own experience as I don't want to upset people who know me. There are ways to get out and ways round it, don't ever feel like your trapped. Its hard to get over such a toxic relationship but you will do it, I can more than promise you that.